How Pulitzer Stole Christmas
by Stretch1
Summary: What happens when everyone's favorite holiday favorite is taken into the newsie world.


My poor sick mind thought of this…and when I say sick I mean literally ill. Anyway. I had the idea to write this, please don't hold it against me. 

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NEWSIES OR HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!!!…but they are both loverly and tis the season…right?….oh well, as the Monty Python boys say, "GET ON WITH IT!"

~*~*~*~

Everyone down in Newsville liked Christmas a lot,  
But Pulitzer, who lived in the middle of Newsville, DID NOT.  
  
Pulitzer hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season.  
Please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.  
It could be as a child he never had any toys,  
It could be he never identified with little girls and boys,  
But I think the most likely reason of all,  
May have been that he had no heart in him at all.  
  
Whatever the reason, no heart or no toys,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve **_hating_** the newsboys.  
Staring down from his mansion at the street rats and louses,  
Down at the lighted windows in the various lodging houses,  
He saw every newsie, every urchin, every scamp  
Were busy now, hanging decorations on every staircase and lamp.  
  
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
He growled, his voice aged and hoarse.  
"I must find some way of making their holiday worse."  
  
For tomorrow, he knew all the little girls and boys  
Would wake bright and early, screaming headlines of Christmas joys.  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
Then the newsies, tall and small, would shout and cheer,  
Becoming ever more loud as the night draws near.  
And they'd cheer! And they'd cheer!  
And they'd CHEER!  
CHEER!  
CHEER!  
They would cheer despite disease, fatigue, and the loss of friends  
dear,  
Which was something he never understood, as he shook with anger and  
fear.  
  
And THEN  
They'd do something  
He liked least of all!  
Every newsboy and girl, the short and the tall,  
Would group close together, with church bells ringing,  
They `d stand close with friends, and carols they'd start singing!  
  
They'd sing! And they'd sing!  
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!  
And the more Pulitzer thought of this whole Christmas thing,  
The more Pulitzer thought, "I must stop this whole thing!  
Why, for fifty-three years I've put with it now!  
I MUST stop this Christmas from coming…but how?"  
  
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
PULITZER GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
  
"I know just what to do!" Pulitzer laughed in his throat!.  
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and coat.  
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great, nasty trick!  
"With this coat and this hat, I looked just like Saint Nick!"  
  
"All I need is a reindeer..."  
Pulitzer looked around.  
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop old Pulitzer...?  
No! Pulitzer simply said,  
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"  
So he called his aide, Seitz. Then he took some red thread  
And tied a big horn on top of his head.  
  
THEN  
He loaded some bags  
On his posh carriage  
And he hitched up old Seitz  
  
Then Pulitzer said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down  
Toward the homes where the poor  
Lay a-snore in their town.  
  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the children were all dreaming sweet dreams without care  
When he came to the first little house on the square.  
"This is stop number one," the old Pulitzy Claus hissed  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
  
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight fit.  
But, if Santa could manage, then Pulitzer could do it.  
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue  
Where the little kids' stockings all hung in a row.  
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
  
Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unfunny,  
Around the whole room, and he took all their money!  
Every dollar, every nickel, every penny and dime!  
He took every present and every watch that tells time!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Pulitzer, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!  
  
He creeped to the bunkroom, and stole all their clothes  
He took any presents, he took all their bows.  
He took everything, leaving only emptiness and gloom.  
The sad old man even cleared out the house's sickroom.  
Then he stuffed everything up the chimney with glee.  
"And NOW!" grinned Pulitzer, "I will stuff up the tree!"  
  
And Pulitzer grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
When he heard a small sound like a coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and didn`t know what to do!  
For there stood Les Jacobs, fondly called Boo Boo.  
  
Pulitzer had been caught by this tiny little lad  
Who got out of bed for a drink, in poor pjs he was clad.  
He stared at Pulitzer and said, "Santy Claus, why,  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"  
  
But, as silly as he was, Pulitzer was quite slick,  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.  
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.  
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."  
  
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head  
And he got him a drink and he sent him to bed.  
And when Les, called Boo Boo, went to bed with his cup,  
He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
  
Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire!  
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
And the one speck of food that he left in the house  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
  
Then he did the same thing  
To the other lodging houses  
Leaving crumbs much too small  
For the other lodging mouses!  
  
It was quarter past dawn...  
All the children, still a-bed,  
All the poor, still a-snore.  
When he packed up his carriage,  
Packed it up with their presents! Their nickels! Their dimes!  
Their clothes, their food, their watches that tell times!  
  
There, thousands of stories up the state building known as Empire.  
He climbed to the tip top to set it all on fire.  
Listening to Pulitzer as all the stolen goods he stacked,  
Seitz was fully aware his old boss had finally cracked.  
Yet he listened intently, and still did his bidding,  
For he wasn't getting paid for stupidly sitting.  
Seitz watched the old man as he would leap up and cry.  
"The newsies down in Newsville will all cry `Oh how? Oh why?!'"  
  
"That's a noise," grinned Pulitzer,  
"That I simply MUST hear!"  
So he paused. And put his hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then is started to grow...  
  
But the sound wasn't sad!  
Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so!  
But it WAS merry! VERY!  
  
He stared down at Newsville!  
Pulitzer popped his eyes!  
Then he shook!  
What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
  
Every child down in Newsville, the tall and the small,  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!  
IT CAME!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
  
And Pulitzer stood there at the top of the Empire,  
With Seitz, horn and all, preparing to set it on fire.  
"How could it be so? It came without nickels! It came without dimes!  
It came without presents, or watches that tell times!"  
And Pulitzer stared down at the ragged and poor  
Then he thought of something he hadn't before!  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  
"Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"  
  
And what happened then...? Well... in Newsville they say  
Pulitzer gained the heart of a child that day  
And the minute he didn't feel so angry and tight,  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light  
And he brought back the money, every nickel and dime!  
He brought back every present, every watch that tells time.  
He brought everything back, every possession so dear.  
And he...  
  
...HE HIMSELF....!!  
Pulitzer, let out the first Christmas cheer!


End file.
